As the Summer fades away the impending return to the school year daunts overwhelmingly over many of us... the good news is: it doesn't have to be this hard.
Happy New Year!
September is officially the parent’s real New Year. It’s when we get into a complete scheduling and activities-organizing frenzy, getting rid of the old to start with the new. It holds the promise of a new slate, new beginnings. It comes with a renewed sense to “start on the right foot”, to turn resolutions into actions, apply lessons learned from past experiences and try out new strategies.
September buzzes with energy, sometimes to a fault of inducing more stress that we would like to admit. Until all the pieces fall into place. Until it all starts moving along, gaining speed and, finally -hopefully- falling into the rhythm of a well-oiled machine.
September, with all its inaugural spirit beckons both us and, more so, our children with an urgency to perform, to step up to the plate. It carries a tacit expectation to execute and achieve. Yet, what happens if our children are not innately prone to organizing their time effectively, managing their workload efficiently. What happens when our children don’t know what works best for them, when they are not fully aware of what might help them or counteract. Can these skills be taught? Can they learn them? and if so, how can it be taught in a motivating manner?
That’s when Stacy comes in.
What a timely subject to kick off my second year of my Speakers Salon, in the month of September and with Stacy O’Neill - educator and Executive Function specialist.
Stacy is the owner of Ironhill Educators (www.ironhilleducators.com), which she founded in 2017, to further assist clients with executive function skills. She provides a practical and nurturing approach to managing disorganized children and adults. Her mission is to help individuals build the skills needed for long-term, life-long success.
“I was that student” she shared with us that evening. Referring to having been a child that would leave her homework for last minute and then, once the impending deadline was the next day, she would feel overwhelmed to the point of feeling and, in some instances, getting sick.
Her own painful experience gave her the inner drive to realize that she had no other option than to figure out what worked for her as a learner and help herself. Which she successfully did by starting High School on student probation and ending it in the Honor roll.
She then went on to become an educator, worked in the private school sector for 15 years, garnering experience in both elementary and middle school, as well as all-girls, all-boys and co-ed institutions. After becoming a mom, she kept her foot in the workplace by tutoring students.
During her years as a teacher and a tutor she realized that what she loved the most about teaching, wasn’t necessarily the subject in and of itself (i.e. social studies, math…) but teaching children how to best learn and study the subject. “I never have given up on any of my students” she stated. Every kid can learn. “That’s what’s exciting!”. It’s about solving the mystery of what works for each child, what does he/she need? Identifying what skill set is missing that would help. And more importantly, knowing that all these skills can be taught. A lot of it is helping them develop metacognition.
met·a·cog·ni·tion/ˌmedəˌkäɡˈniSH(ə) noun - awareness and understanding of one's own thought processes.
Scaffold the primary process of thinking about how we think, about how we learn.
We all know, to varying degrees, how we learn best. By prompting our children to ask themselves questions such as: is there a preference on “where” I like to do my homework, read or study?, do I work better in the evenings or early mornings?, is it easier for me to listen to the information I need to learn or do I prefer to see it in written form, or a mix? - we are teaching them to think metacognitively.
Practicing metacognition not only will help them in areas related to school and sports – but in every aspect of their lives. The more they learn about themselves, the higher the chances will be of them making decisions that can, and will, positively impact their well-being.
It will also increase their feelings of self-confidence, the chance of succeeding, the satisfaction of achieving personal goals and overcoming challenges or obstacles.
Once a child (or an adult too!) starts to understand what works best for him/her then the next step is to identify and develop the set of skills/strategies that can complement his/her innate strengths, supplement any weakness and support their learning preferences.
To identify what strategies work best is a process of trial and error. Maybe having sticky notes on their notebook works for some kids but not for others. Maybe reading first thing in the morning works for one child and not for another.
Many questions were asked that evening as to “what can I do if my son/daughter ______” . Questions relating to time management, to general organization skills (homework, planner, clothes, sports equipment), attitudes (some seem careless, others too stressed).
Yet, indistinctly of what the struggle was, Stacy broke down the process of teaching kids strategies for developing executive management skills (i.e. time management, organizational skills) into the following steps:
1. Show them how it’s done (adult)
2. Scaffold them to start doing it themselves (adult/child – adult has larger role)
3. Wean off at a pace that makes sense to the individual (child/adult – child has larger role)
4. Allow independent performance – skill/habit is formed (child)
5. MAKE IT POSITIVE AND FUN.
She emphasized to continuously remind ourselves that they are still kids, and that fun and positive strategies hold a powerful influence, much more so than punishment and nagging.
In her experience, ideas such as presenting a positive challenge instead of giving a consequence always seem to give better results. For example, instead of: no electronics or takeaway phone because homework hasn’t been turned in for a week or the dirty clothes have been lying on the floor next to the hamper for three days; try: “when you demonstrate that you have turned in your homework every day for a week then you can earn a XXX.”
She also reminded us to not get discouraged, but instead, to keep trying different strategies (using the steps mentioned above) until finding the strategy that works the best. Every child is different, and as years go by their needs will change and evolve too. It’s a continuous process of fine tuning as time goes by – which is why laying the foundation to think metacognitively is so important.
There is also a fine line between aiding our children too much vs. the benefits of letting them struggle and figure it out on their own.
Her advice is not intended to become a crutch, quite the opposite, it’s to give them the basic toolset and, most importantly, the basic mindset in which -the hope being- they will learn to figure things out, as best they can, based on their own efforts.
The evening was one of commiserating our struggles as parents in this fantastic journey of raising children into happy and independent adults. Stacy was uplifting and gave us all hope that YES! it can be done…with just a good dosage of patience, faith in our kids capabilities, a sprinkle of humor, a huge paper calendar, colorful markers, a white board, some index cards and a filing binder…
…or just call Stacy…it might be easier ;)
With intent,
Juad
For more on Stacy O’Neill’s work you may visit her website @
#ironhilleducators #stacyoneill #executivefunctioning #executivefunctioningcoach #timemanagement #highschoolstudents #collagestudents #schoolorganization
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